My 1st 15K

Registered.
September 29th.
Albuquerque.
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What the crap am I thinking?

I'm ready to let the love in.

I feel bittersweet.

Life is beautiful right now...all I do is sing in church and sing and dance and make music with children. I love all 330 of my babies no matter how much they drive me nuts. The beautiful voices enchant me and the kindness I see each day from the staff and students warms me.
My spiritual life has done a 360 into another land. I was once an angry Atheist, and now, I am not Catholic, or even Christian, but I am spiritual. I am calm. I follow the Word of the Lord even if I do not believe it was actually said. I follow because I see and feel the beauty.
I am challenged every day to learn how to guide these young religious musicians. It is good to be challenged as long as I don't lose my mind.

Still, I feel bitter about life outside of my work. I can't keep my bedroom or car clean (no surprise, I know). I can't find the time to get info about insurance and all that grown-up stuff. I haven't cooked anything in weeks. I can't find what is important outside of my hymnal.
I know it's just because I'm alone, but it seems everybody else in the whole world is married, engaged, or having a baby. As ex's move on and boast about their bride, I can't help but think, "but it was supposed to be me." Michael will never call me his girlfriend. The ones that want me I don't want. This is not going to work. It makes me want to go into the woods and marry myself and never leave.

I want to love. I want to matter to someone above the age of 12. I want someone to say they see a future with me and actually mean it. I'm ready, world. Ok?

I don't know why my triathlon process is so slow. Improvements have been made in running, and I have learned to ride a bike which is a start. Swimming is easy for me, but still I should just pay the damn money and use the pool somewhere to practice. I feel I won't be happy unless I pick up the pace and just register for one so I have to do it.
Or else, this blog is crap.

The Color Run 2012

On August 25th, I woke up at 4 am, put on my new white beater and sports bra, and drove to Albuquerque to run in The Color Run: "the happiest 5k in the world." I got my packet right away and waited around. for 2 hrs. Since I got there so early, there was opportunity to get to the front of the race and start first. I thought..."hmmm...this will never happen again." (open seating), but then I was even more comforted when I noticed the obese people and children at the front with me. There were some "elite runners" to the left, so I stayed to the middle. The announcer threw frisbees and t-shirts at us while we waited and I admired the ocean of white shirts around me.

Around every kilometer mark, people stood ready with squirt bottles of corn starch color powder to throw at you. I put my arms up and danced and twirled and "woo"ed through the patches of color dust. I ran most of it, walked briskly a little. At the end there's a big color party where everyone gets a packet of color and we throw it into the air at the same time. Fun shit.

A few things to know before you do the color run:

1. White shirt dress code. But also make sure you wear a giant tutu or a fake mustache.

2. If you have a baby, put your temporary tattoo on his or her forehead and run the 5k with the baby in the stroller.

3. If you don't run thru the colors, you're lame. Just don't come.

4. If you're lame, you can cut across to the returning side before running all the way to halfway point. Then you don't have to run a whole 5k (what? just don't come).

5. This run is so noncompetitive that when you get the drink of water at the halfway point, you actually put your cup in a trash bag - you don't just keep running.

6. It's not a timed race because emphasis is on fun, so if you're going for a PR or you want to know, bring a watch.

7. If you see a girl sitting by herself drinking a water bottle after the race, go ask her to take a picture of you and your significant other. She has nothing better to do and really wants to take a picture of how you did this fun thing together.

Awesome.