Affect/Effect

I know the difference, but I still have to think about it.

Bad day.

I like this blog, because it's like a diary and once I hit "Publish Post," it's like I can move on with my life.

I'm so stressed and sad. After a nutso weekend of no rest and late lesson plans and children who sometimes make me believe that they don't have ears, I'm so beat.

I need to stop letting my kids' behavior and their words affect how I feel about myself.

Today I received comments from children ranging from age 6 to 13, ranging from "You're a good teacher" and "Can I stay here? because I don't want to leave!" to "This class is boring." "This class sucks." "UGH THIS CLASS."

I feel like I've done my very best to engage my choir, but today all I got was sass. Though sometimes I let it roll off my back because actually they're just mad because I make them follow dress code, sometimes I'm like "where the hell am I going wrong?" I gave an extra credit assignment partly asking for feedback about the performance or our first month of chorus. Students groaned and said "Can we be honest?" and I replied, "yes please." I have a few parent phone calls to make tonight...keeeeeep breathing...

There's so many things to do -- order music, send parent letters home about recorder, get that letter translated into Spanish, get a Jiffy Lube, buy stamps, more car stuff, more house stuff, next week's lesson plans...

Tired.

The sun is calling me to the hills but I'm not sure I can get up. The effect of the day has gotten the best of me.

Tired.

Viva la fiesta!

It's true.

Today, 12 of my 20 chorus members sang in la fiesta performance with the high school and other middle schools. These kids who have challenged me since Day One astonished me with their professionalism. They were behaved, dressed nicely, light-hearted...they sang with energy and poise. I was so proud. I had so much fun. I sang and danced more than I should have. I did it...my first field trip and my first kinda-mini-concert!

Some quotes of the day...

From a boy who never speaks ever: "Miss Echols, is that a boy or a girl?"

As I try eagerly to speak on the phone with one of the parents, a girl says to me: "umm..she speaks Spanish." Me: "oh."

Me, to stop this girl from flirting: "Save the poke war for facebook."

Girl on the phone with her Mom: "Estoy con la maestra...la maestra...MAESTRA!"

Andie: "What kind of choir concert was that!?" and "I want to slap you."

Santa Fe is wild. Mariachi. Music. Mountains. Men. Mmmmm. QUE VIVA.

This Girl

This girl just went for an hour-long hike/run/skip/dance by herself through the Santa Fe hills of rocky dirty trails....with hair down and earrings in.

This girl had a spontaneous Cha Cha Slide party with some 5th & 6th graders after class because we felt like it.

This girl overheard some students say "ahh i love this class so much" today.

This girl danced to live mariachi music today because Santa Fe is so frickin cool.

This girl found a 4-leaf clover yesterday.

And this girl now has to write sub plans and complete other tasks...but this girl is lucky.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Everything I am Living Right Now

Yay Games! I love General Music Fun!

Assessment? You mean written documentation of music learning? You mean daily participation grades? Booooo...

The books I have to use day-to-day are only some of the things with which I feel a love-hate relationship nowadays.

Some others...

• Food - It cost money. It puts extra on my hips. But man does it make the day better...
• Money - It buys me food and a home. But I don't make any...
• Running - It's hard. But it makes me feel determined and productive.
• Santa Fe - It's gorgeous and an everyday adventure. But I want to go home.
• Being an adult - I am so free. But bound by responsibility and tasks.
• Music - It's what makes me a human being. But God, kids, just shut up and sing!

I miss Gymboree and everything about NJ and my niece and nephew.

Got all my stuff out of my old house today. Just keeping the key to the mailbox for now. Yay 3-day weekend!

Take Two

A dark photo - there will be more to come, but this is my new bedroom. Gustav Klimt's Kiss to the right of my sleeping head, a beautiful rug and paintings all around the room. My window has a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance. I have my own bathroom, an extra room for working/yoga/whatever I please, washer/dryer, a gorgeous living room with big couch pillows, buddhas, candles, sculptures, paintings, a cute kitchen with decor just the same, and a back patio that looks like the epitome of peace.

I knocked on the door last night and a woman in her 50s with long beautiful black hair and a black dress answered. I knew I liked her. She showed me the amazing house and I knew that I wanted to live there, but I had anxiety because I couldn't remember the rent amount that was posted on Craigslist. Alicia and I sat and talked about music, astrology, and being roommates. She said she'd call by "tomorrow," but that very night she called and said, "From the minute I opened the door I knew you were an angel. I'd like to offer you the space." So I took it.

It's quite a bit more expensive than I wanted to pay but Dad said he'd help me because he's wonderful. If she calls me back, I'm moving today! I will have to be very clean and tidy...but that's a good practice for me...haha...

School is still tough, but again, I learn every day. Even the most experienced, certified, recognized, incredible teachers will have hard classes...and the 6th grade gossip of romantic drama doesn't help anything. I'm a softee, it's a fact, but I must work to be a proactive disciplinarian for when it is necessary. I'm finally understanding what they were telling me in college...teaching is about social responsibility.

Still, I get many hugs every day. I crack up when I walk down the hallway and every kid on their way to wherever has to stop and hug me. I love the "Hi Miss Sunshine!" I get as kids run past when I have recess duty. I love the glow in their eyes when I tell a kid "awesome drumming!" I love their little tails when my widdle ones do the Chicken Dance. I love when a 4th grader tells me "You're so much more fun than our last music teacher!"

So, I take it a day at a time. Set up the skills needed for ensemble. Remove the children who can't control themselves. Hike with Andie and look forward to events like Zozobra and the balloon festival. Move. Ya know...life.

I am so lucky to have such a supportive wonderful family.

No More Miss Sunshine

So things are bad.

On Sunday, my dickhead roommate knocked on my door. I replied "naked!" He said, "Ok I'll wait." I got dressed and knocked on his door. He came out and said to me "This isn't pleasant conversation, but I don't think this roommate thing is working out..."

I quickly said, "Let's sit down and talk about this."

Him: "I'm not really crazy about the vibes we have. It's not fun. You're a nice girl and everything and you've done nothing wrong, but it's not the kind of roommate situation I want to be in, so I think it would be better for both of us if you found new roommates."

Me: "I don't want to move. I love it here. I'm happy here."

Him: "Well I'm not. I want to try something else."

Me: "Well then you move."

Him: "Well I've been here 2 years."

Me: *****Series of sobs, cries, complaints about how I've just started a new life and "you're really cruel" and "you can't just tell someone to get up and go!" and I can't handle moving right now and I have no time or energy********

Him: "Well it's not that hard to find another place or roommates. There's plenty around."

Me: "Well I better start looking. You're really cruel." *I grab my keys, storm out, call people, and go cry in the park for 2 hours.*

I texted my landlord that I don't want to leave. His reply, "I am so sorry Kathleen."

I have til September 30th. Craigslist #1 I really want but I have to wait til Sunday to see if I get it. Craigslist #2 is close to my school, but a little sketchysketch and unfurnished. Craigslist #3 looks beautiful in pictures and I'll see it tomorrow.

Onto the next complaint...

I finally met with the principal at the school where I have the middle school chorus class. Lines were crossed today and I FLIPPED OUT. I was seriously astonished at the behavior and comments I received today. I don't want to copy them here, but not only was I offended, insulted, and irritated, there were offenses that required immediate discipline action. Unbelievable.

Disrespect and inappropriateness is one thing, but it also breaks my heart to be failing at doing what I set out to do...which is make kids love singing. They hate everything. What am I supposed to do? I still wuv them, but c'mon. Sing.

Other complaints: Car insurance/stuff, Bank stuff, lesson plan stuff, evaluation stuff, more stuff.

Happy Time...

I am in love with general music class. I'm really figuring things out at Nava (K-6). I'm learning which steps to take to set up musical and class success before disaster even has a chance. I learn every day. The EAs that come in with special needs kids or just because they're kindergarten have been a blessing. They have a position of control and understanding of each child, they give me suggestions, and help with behavior. I'm astounded and get new ideas from them all the time.

General Music is my safe place...my everything. My kids are so funny. Sometimes when they're bad I just laugh. Like today when I was lecturing a 2nd grade class, I said something along the lines of "I love you all very much but we really need to do better listening blahblah..." and one snotty girl goes "What if we don't want to love you?" Hahahahahaha I said "Well you don't have to love me but if you don't follow directions you can't play the instruments and you get a bad report." Hahaha love it.

This week I put on a jungle-themed "play" with my 1st & 2nd graders with masks, drums, and xylophones, and it was sooo much fun. And imagine little Spanish-speaking Kinders doing the chicken dance. Omg. Love. My older kids are sometimes musicians and sometimes animals. But I wuv them. The daily hugs are worth everything.

My family has been so supportive in my rough time. Daily calls let me know I'm not alone. I feel so much love.

Things could be worse. Andie is being moved to another teaching position, 3 weeks into school. Can you imagine? So sad. Love her.

My new ritual is that on Wednesday evenings I bring all my schoolbooks to McDonald's and I order a small Mango Pineapple smoothie and I sit there for hours typing my lesson plans. (Typing takes longer than planning).

I saw a shirt I recognized and a little boy following behind. It was one of the teachers in my school and her foster child who I had taught earlier today. I love this kid's enthusiasm, though the EA in the class often makes him sit out. I waved in the McDonald's and he ran up to me...

"Hi Miss Echols! What are you doing here? I got this bouncy ball at the college. We're gonna go get ice cream after this. Do you wanna come? Can I go in your car? What are we doing in music next week? Want some of my fries? (puts them on my table) I'm a national wrestler. I don't know when wrestling is again....."

Love. I went to Baskin Robbins with them and my teacher friend treated me. I got less lesson planning done, but what a nice time...to sit with my dear student and colleague and enjoy some free Rocky Road on a sugar cone.

Life can be good even when it's bad.

Keepin' it Classy

Keepin' it classy (pun intended) ain't easy...

but it's necessary. Some co-workers say, "you have to find balance. Work cannot be what determines your day, your feelings, your life..." While I agree that I can't let my students' behavior affect the way I feel about myself and my life, being in this new position in my professional life is so important to me that I refuse to stray far from the mindset of "how can my students and I achieve musical success?" It's exhausting. I go to bed, wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, go to other work, go home, go on hikes with Andie...all thinking about my lesson plans, my students, and what I can do better.

"I just want to do so well," I said, crying. "Well...that's a lot better than saying 'I just want to do so average,'" said fellow co-worker.

My chorus has given me the hardest time. The disrespectful back-talk has sent me over the edge some days and I'll admit I've silently left crying a few times. I'm in communication about discipline procedures.

I see that chorus class every morning, then head to Nava where I teach 3 more hour-long classes per day. This is a total of 16 groups of kids between Kindergarten and 6th/7th grade. My biggest frustrations with the littles are that they touch and kick each other, and there's only so many "Why do we keep our hands and feet to ourselves?" conversations I can stop my lesson to have, and only so many "You sit there for the remainder of class because you can't control your hands" moments I can handle in a day.

Despite the behavior frustrations, I love all my kids, and there are some very sweet and wonderful classes at Nava that make me so proud I melt. As my facebook status boasted, last Friday a 1st grade girl raised her hand to say, "Teacher...I love you." Also the 6th graders for some reason call me "Miss Sunshine" instead of Miss Echols (I don't know why), so I just tell them "well don't make me turn into Miss Cloudy Day... *serious face*"

It's so hard to be a teacher, and I guess I'm a little obsessed right now...but I'm glad chorus is still in my life as it always has been, and general music is just SO FRICKIN FUN. I love lesson planning and thinking about new ways to make music together. I was given this music curriculum from the district (some of its tools, cards, and posters are seen in my classroom pictures) and it's really wonderful. Fun games for all.

Stress is every day. Homesickness, sickness, responsibilities, lessoning, living...but things are well. I'm smiling pretty much. I've got Andie to talk to, hike with, and try things with (we went to a really good yoga class last weekend). I just really miss Scott and my big brother and sister and Daddy and Anna and aunts and my Lex&Ba&Erin&Jess&Deidre and my everyone.

The sky is still amazing and beautiful, even during monsoon season. The rain makes hikes muddier and feet wetter, but it feels healthy when some days are so hot.

I've been kind of depressed as I think that my goal was to run a half-marathon this September, if I were to have stayed in Jersey. Of course, life had to change, I moved across the country to a much higher altitude with different conditions and a different schedule. I guess it can wait, but I'm quite frustrated at the delay.

Umm...there's a lizard on my window screen right now...