Self-Respect

I am going to continue running and biking and eventually swimming (might have to join the community center) because I must respect my body and goals. I eat badly because I am stressed and sad. I need more ohples and banonos.

I always tell my students and people I meet - "In Santa Fe I have one friend that's a girl and one friend that's a boy." I'm lucky to see my friend that's a girl once a week... maybe... and my guy friend and I have had a falling out and it might be for the better.
It's not that I feel lonely...I don't feel lonely. But I don't know...I'm just unhappy with the situations of life. I don't know what needs to get better, but I feel strange.

I'm so tired of spending time writing out discipline reports and giving names for detention. They don't even care about parent phone calls or detentions or suspensions. I'm reading a lot, preparing for my Renaissance to employ after the break...complete with grading and behavior policies and posted expectations. A girl who is deservingly failing my class asked me today how she can get her grade to at least a C....haha...no.
My students don't respect me. I mean, of course some do, but they often take over like a tidal wave and i am washed away. I know it's because I'm like Barbie the music teacher, as my secretary joked today...it's hard to smoosh being a cool pretty lady and being an authoritative teacher. I want success. For the respect of musicians everywhere.

Gin & Subtonic is so fun. Our first paying gig is on January 10th at Evangelos' -- a bar near the plaza of Santa Fe. I really love it. I know it's not really my talent, but damn do I feel good when I'm workin it. It's gonna be a blast. As long as I don't blast my voice out. I'm going to start singing with the community college's Chamber Singers - as i've been invited by my mentor - in the next semester. yesssss. I must respect my voice and my passion for 5-part madrigals.

Goals for Saturday:
Clean out car.
Plan for 2 days of chorus.
Plan for Kinder.
Belong to Sam's Club.
Mail thing.
Put together gift for Secret Santa.
Run and/or bike.
Remember reasons to love life and love myself.