Home for the Holidays

It's been nice.
I got to play with Bobby and Gina - and despite their high-maintenance and freak-outs, things were good and we had some serious quality time together. I also played with babies Layla and Gianna, who at only 3 months old was the perfect Christmas centerpiece for the table.
I've seen Lexie a lot and Becca and Kate and some others who I have been dying to see. Hopefully Erin and Deidre are tomorrow, and Friday will be Princeton-people day.


For Christmas, Dawn got us all tickets to see Disney on Ice. I can blame it on the lack of Lexapro, but ohhh my goodness did I cryy. It was AMAZING. It started with The Princess and the Frog which was..eh. Then Cinderella which obviously I loved and it made me cry. Then was Tangled. Oh. My. Goodness. I was so disappointed that I have not devoted my life to ice skating acrobatics. The over-the-top acting and happiness and expressivity and musicality made me ache to perform that way. It was gorgeous...the way Rapunzel and Flynn would soar through the air on imaginary hair. I must be a princess.

We saw "We Bought a Zoo" with the kids today which was sad but happy.

Later, I went up to Moorestown to be with a sad Lexie because some biotch is causing great discomfort in her life with unnecessary and rude language and behavior. Lexie, Dan, and I went to Prospector's in Mt. Laurel to meet up with Michela and line dance. Yes, line dance. Hardcore line dancing. It was so hard but we tried, broke a sweat, and called it a night.

Yay weird life :)

Merry? Christmas?

So all that stuff I planned to do didn't happen because I spent Saturday vomiting. I thought it was because I was so upset over my divorce with Michael, but it turned out to be a 24-hour stomach bug. Lots of puke.

This past weekend kicked my ass.
Friday - no more Michael.
Saturday - puke. Michael drops off bike.
Sunday - spent $850 getting my brakes fixed.

Monday was pretty awesome. Snow day. My new very good friend Robert and I had a snowball fight and ate delicious food, then hung out with the band and we were silly.

It is now Tuesday. 2 hr delay made the day easy...until I left school and realized that my brakes were hardly working...niiiiice....
THEN found out that my landlady changed her mind about lowering my rent.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
2 days then home. hope nobody got me anything nice for christmas...because i can't handle the thought of spending more money or shopping.
i am very upset. and i don't want to go home i want to stay in my bed and never move ever. bye.

Self-Respect

I am going to continue running and biking and eventually swimming (might have to join the community center) because I must respect my body and goals. I eat badly because I am stressed and sad. I need more ohples and banonos.

I always tell my students and people I meet - "In Santa Fe I have one friend that's a girl and one friend that's a boy." I'm lucky to see my friend that's a girl once a week... maybe... and my guy friend and I have had a falling out and it might be for the better.
It's not that I feel lonely...I don't feel lonely. But I don't know...I'm just unhappy with the situations of life. I don't know what needs to get better, but I feel strange.

I'm so tired of spending time writing out discipline reports and giving names for detention. They don't even care about parent phone calls or detentions or suspensions. I'm reading a lot, preparing for my Renaissance to employ after the break...complete with grading and behavior policies and posted expectations. A girl who is deservingly failing my class asked me today how she can get her grade to at least a C....haha...no.
My students don't respect me. I mean, of course some do, but they often take over like a tidal wave and i am washed away. I know it's because I'm like Barbie the music teacher, as my secretary joked today...it's hard to smoosh being a cool pretty lady and being an authoritative teacher. I want success. For the respect of musicians everywhere.

Gin & Subtonic is so fun. Our first paying gig is on January 10th at Evangelos' -- a bar near the plaza of Santa Fe. I really love it. I know it's not really my talent, but damn do I feel good when I'm workin it. It's gonna be a blast. As long as I don't blast my voice out. I'm going to start singing with the community college's Chamber Singers - as i've been invited by my mentor - in the next semester. yesssss. I must respect my voice and my passion for 5-part madrigals.

Goals for Saturday:
Clean out car.
Plan for 2 days of chorus.
Plan for Kinder.
Belong to Sam's Club.
Mail thing.
Put together gift for Secret Santa.
Run and/or bike.
Remember reasons to love life and love myself.

I did it!

Today, my friends, I LEARNED TO RIDE A BIKE!

I always knew that there would come a day where I just...did it. Michael and I were driving around and i saw a lady on a bike, looking sporty and badass. I commented "I want to learn how to ride a bike soooo bad." So, with the help of Michael's spontaneity, we went to Wal-Mart, tried out a bunch of bikes, picked out a seat and helmet, and bought the baby. It's a BMX bike...closer to the ground for my security...and it's super-badass because we bought a noseless seat so that i don't complain of it "hurting my coochie."
I wobbled it around the parking lot. We met up with Andie at Starbucks and chatted a while about laundry and running. We went to Lowe's where Andie and I were silly taking pictures in the showers and running around imaginary objects, while Michael did grown-up stuff.


We went back to Michael's and broke out the bike. Michael gave me a push and I did it. I've never felt something like that feeling before. I was wobbly, but I AM THAT MUCH CLOSER TO MY TRIATHLON RIGHT NOW! Up and down the street I went. It was like flying. It was what I've been dreaming of for years. My life is much more complete. I can't wait to ride again tomorrow.

I went to a family gathering with Michael and then to the house of a 2nd grade teacher from Nava. Christina is a beautiful woman who has been a source of support and smiles this year. She was having a ladies' night tonight - we snacked on delicious pizza, salad, sushi, and ice cream. Christina, Brigitte from Denmark, Helene from France, Mindy, and I sat and talked about TV, food, being a transplant, and children growing up to be homo/transexual.

I laughed a lot today. And I learned to ride a bike. I totally rocked this Saturday's butt.

Feeeeelings

I feel untalented. I'm struggling with my uke and piano and singing and life.
I need to use these skills constantly. Yesterday I called my Daddy to thank him for the years and years of piano lessons even though I didn't practice. It's because he let me keep taking the lessons that I'm able to more easily do what I need to do day-to-day. I learned a lot in those years. My Daddy is awesome. Not only for my piano lessons and Macbook, but for always listening and loving me.

My kids are mean to me and each other. I knew that teaching would have a lot more to it than just teaching...but Dear Lord! Fighting, crying, rude rude rude, feeling hurt and killing the mood.
But today was nice...I marched in the Veterans' Day Parade with the 5th & 6th graders and they sang "Miss Echols's song." Touched my heart as they screamed..i mean sang it...around the plaza.

THERE IS TOO MUCH TO DO I'M OVERWHELMED AGGGGGGH.

I feel like a fatty

Patience

Sometimes I declare that I don't want to do this anymore...but that's not true. I just want to see that it all turns out alright. That by May, my chorus kids are going to miss me. That by May, I'll be re-venturing. That by May, I'll feel like I had a successful year of teaching with a job I'm going to enjoy next year...wherever in the world that may be. I'm homesick for my family and friends, but this is where I'm supposed to be. Or maybe Germany. but we'll see...

I'll admit I haven't been running. I'm so tired after school and there's planning and other stuff to do. I'm still aiming for a 5K on November 19th...though it's already snowing/freezing.

I bought a new beautiful black electric ukulele. It's my new baby. I feel like a rockstar.

That's the story. There's a lot more news. But it probably wouldn't be smart to share on the internet.

Ugh

Sick in bed today. First sick day as a professional.

Aunt Lesley and PopPop were here this past weekend. It was so good to see that I haven't been dropped into Wonderland and that people I knew still do exist. We ate a lot, went to a beautiful Flamenco show/dinner, shopping around, and they came to watch the band rehearse a little bit. PopPop had a crush on Andie and she was so cute and flattered. They were impressed with Michael and he really enjoyed them too. The hugs were just..awesome.
I felt bad that on Sunday I felt so sick and was just staring into space. I've gotten worse since and with the urging of my 2nd-grade-teacher-friend, I stayed home today.

What I want to do is lay here and listen to the same 2 Adele songs over and over and never leave bed. What I should do is get my laundry done, clean up, go to the DMV and switch everything over to New Mexico, get a Jiffy Lube, do all my lesson plans, practice uke, go to mentor circle, and save the world. I don't know what will happen.

Staying home is a crazy bad wonderful idea.

Snowboarding in Colorado.

Mmhmm I did it thanks to Michael. He coached me the whole way. I fell a lot...spent a lot of time laying in the snow wondering how the hell I was ever going to stand up again. Michael was patient and understanding that a body new to snowboarding is quite confused. We practiced a little on the bunny thing, then he helped me down the beginner hill 4 or 5 times before he went off and did his bigboy snowboarding. It was a triumph to just figure out how to stand up. I think I did okay, considering it was me.

We stayed in Pagosa Springs and then spent some time with his boss and his boss's wife in Durango. Colorado & New Mexico are beautiful. If all we did was drive in Michael's hella sexy Jeep, I'd totally be fine with that. It was a very good long weekend of breath-taking views and breath-stealing falls. I'm sore. but it was so much fun!!

And grrr...I was in a new state and I forgot to hula hoop. Boo.


And then it's back to the grind. I feel like no education went on today. Maybe some fun, but I'm itching for more learning to take place. I just need to understand that school is more than my personal musical goals for my students and myself...it's assemblies, it's bloody noses, it's drama, it's "he touched me," it's "she said the F word," it's lockdown drills, it's life.

Oh and if you didn't know, I'm singing with a band now. We do Ska/Hiphip/Pop stuff. 2 trumpets, a guitar, a bass guitar, drums, another girl singer, and me. It's gonna be really fun and may cure my itch to perform...though each day is a special performance of its own. Sigh...

Booyah.

The 5th grade boys have a crush on Miss Sunshine.

Meet Andie Bentley

I know you've heard a lot about her already, but I decided to make a blog post dedicated entirely to the lady who inspires me enough to do so.

At first-year-at-SFPS-teacher day, she was standing there alone and commented to me I think when I said that I just moved here too. Before I left she grabbed my number and I am so thankful that she did. She then texted to me, "Do you like hiking?" and I knew I had a friend.

We hike at our moderate pace, we get lost trying to find places...a lot, we laugh when there's nothing to laugh at, we're pretty much two insane blondes trying to find our way in the desert.

Andie is 28, from Indiana, and moved here for at least a year to say she did it. (kinda like me.) She teaches Kindergarten and definitely has the personality for it. I suppose that's why we get along. On our long drive to Bandelier, we shared stories and secrets, and we found out we're a lot more alike than we thought. We realized we had a support system within the two of us here in Santa Fe.

I'm so glad I have her, for this year and the years to come, because I know that no matter what happens with school, boys, housing, money, or anything else...I have someone smart and supportive to make me laugh, take on another adventure, go to yoga, or sometimes...just drive. Even if one or both of us return to our home states, she's my girl and I'll have a reason to go to Indy. The daily texts are uncanny, the blonde conversations I think only we could understand.

Another very important, special video...

Stella

She's beautiful. My new running buddy. My new bosom friend.

Andie and I took her for a hike today.

She is a sparkling soul.

And I'm sure she likes me just because I feed her, but oh my goodness do I feel the love.

When I'm not lesson planning...

...I'm havin' a darn good weekend.

Stress

Hiking it out. That is all.

The men in my life

Daddy's flowers. 19 lilies!

The note: "Congratulations on your new home away from home."

I love my Daddy. I miss him and call him all the time to tell him the stupid things I do and think and complain complain complain. And he listens. And he loves me. And he's wonderful.

I miss my nephew and my brother and my PopPop and my uncles and my cousins and my Scott.

So the new story is...

August 15th was the first day of school with children. I felt like I had been put through a blender, so I decided to treat myself to frozen yogurt after school. I stood in line feeling dizzy and ready for that cold fruity goodness to tickle my tongue.

I heard a man's voice from the back of the line, "OK, I'll buy you this, but you have to clean the whole house," followed by a girl's giggle. I laughed. It was cute.

I got my yogurt and sat down in a comfy chair in the corner of the place. When the guy got his and her's, he asked the 6 year old where she wanted to sit and she chose a spot next to me. We talked a bit, the 3 of us. I told her it was my first day of school too. I left with a "nice to meet you."

On September 8th, I was coming back from lunch and trying to open the door to my classroom. An older man asked me "are you a teacher here?" and I replied yes, i'm the new music teacher blahblah... He said his kids used to go to Nava and he was visiting some friends there. We definitely hit it off and left with a handshake.

A half hour later there was a knock on my classroom door. I knew his face. He said, "Uhh...hi...I don't know if you remember me..." and I said "yeah I do, I just can't remember from where..."

"Yoberri," he reminded me, then continued, "You just met my Dad. He told me about you and I was like...I think I know her. I had these extra tickets for Zozobra and wondered if you needed them. My # is on there if you ever need any help...I know you're new to Santa Fe." I took the tickets, thanked him, and went to Zozobra. The next day I texted him, "Thank you for the tickets. They were used well!"

He called and asked me to fiesta it up with him.

We've met up a couple times over the week. He took me to his grandparents' ranch which required the most beautiful drive I've ever seen with views of rocky valleys and mountains. We ate navajo tacos and danced and laughed. He is such a gentleman. He opens doors for me, pays for everything, tells me I'm beautiful...I wonder if he's real.

Well, his name is Michael, and yesterday during 4th grade music class I got a special delivery to my classroom.

Affect/Effect

I know the difference, but I still have to think about it.

Bad day.

I like this blog, because it's like a diary and once I hit "Publish Post," it's like I can move on with my life.

I'm so stressed and sad. After a nutso weekend of no rest and late lesson plans and children who sometimes make me believe that they don't have ears, I'm so beat.

I need to stop letting my kids' behavior and their words affect how I feel about myself.

Today I received comments from children ranging from age 6 to 13, ranging from "You're a good teacher" and "Can I stay here? because I don't want to leave!" to "This class is boring." "This class sucks." "UGH THIS CLASS."

I feel like I've done my very best to engage my choir, but today all I got was sass. Though sometimes I let it roll off my back because actually they're just mad because I make them follow dress code, sometimes I'm like "where the hell am I going wrong?" I gave an extra credit assignment partly asking for feedback about the performance or our first month of chorus. Students groaned and said "Can we be honest?" and I replied, "yes please." I have a few parent phone calls to make tonight...keeeeeep breathing...

There's so many things to do -- order music, send parent letters home about recorder, get that letter translated into Spanish, get a Jiffy Lube, buy stamps, more car stuff, more house stuff, next week's lesson plans...

Tired.

The sun is calling me to the hills but I'm not sure I can get up. The effect of the day has gotten the best of me.

Tired.

Viva la fiesta!

It's true.

Today, 12 of my 20 chorus members sang in la fiesta performance with the high school and other middle schools. These kids who have challenged me since Day One astonished me with their professionalism. They were behaved, dressed nicely, light-hearted...they sang with energy and poise. I was so proud. I had so much fun. I sang and danced more than I should have. I did it...my first field trip and my first kinda-mini-concert!

Some quotes of the day...

From a boy who never speaks ever: "Miss Echols, is that a boy or a girl?"

As I try eagerly to speak on the phone with one of the parents, a girl says to me: "umm..she speaks Spanish." Me: "oh."

Me, to stop this girl from flirting: "Save the poke war for facebook."

Girl on the phone with her Mom: "Estoy con la maestra...la maestra...MAESTRA!"

Andie: "What kind of choir concert was that!?" and "I want to slap you."

Santa Fe is wild. Mariachi. Music. Mountains. Men. Mmmmm. QUE VIVA.

This Girl

This girl just went for an hour-long hike/run/skip/dance by herself through the Santa Fe hills of rocky dirty trails....with hair down and earrings in.

This girl had a spontaneous Cha Cha Slide party with some 5th & 6th graders after class because we felt like it.

This girl overheard some students say "ahh i love this class so much" today.

This girl danced to live mariachi music today because Santa Fe is so frickin cool.

This girl found a 4-leaf clover yesterday.

And this girl now has to write sub plans and complete other tasks...but this girl is lucky.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Everything I am Living Right Now

Yay Games! I love General Music Fun!

Assessment? You mean written documentation of music learning? You mean daily participation grades? Booooo...

The books I have to use day-to-day are only some of the things with which I feel a love-hate relationship nowadays.

Some others...

• Food - It cost money. It puts extra on my hips. But man does it make the day better...
• Money - It buys me food and a home. But I don't make any...
• Running - It's hard. But it makes me feel determined and productive.
• Santa Fe - It's gorgeous and an everyday adventure. But I want to go home.
• Being an adult - I am so free. But bound by responsibility and tasks.
• Music - It's what makes me a human being. But God, kids, just shut up and sing!

I miss Gymboree and everything about NJ and my niece and nephew.

Got all my stuff out of my old house today. Just keeping the key to the mailbox for now. Yay 3-day weekend!

Take Two

A dark photo - there will be more to come, but this is my new bedroom. Gustav Klimt's Kiss to the right of my sleeping head, a beautiful rug and paintings all around the room. My window has a beautiful view of the mountains in the distance. I have my own bathroom, an extra room for working/yoga/whatever I please, washer/dryer, a gorgeous living room with big couch pillows, buddhas, candles, sculptures, paintings, a cute kitchen with decor just the same, and a back patio that looks like the epitome of peace.

I knocked on the door last night and a woman in her 50s with long beautiful black hair and a black dress answered. I knew I liked her. She showed me the amazing house and I knew that I wanted to live there, but I had anxiety because I couldn't remember the rent amount that was posted on Craigslist. Alicia and I sat and talked about music, astrology, and being roommates. She said she'd call by "tomorrow," but that very night she called and said, "From the minute I opened the door I knew you were an angel. I'd like to offer you the space." So I took it.

It's quite a bit more expensive than I wanted to pay but Dad said he'd help me because he's wonderful. If she calls me back, I'm moving today! I will have to be very clean and tidy...but that's a good practice for me...haha...

School is still tough, but again, I learn every day. Even the most experienced, certified, recognized, incredible teachers will have hard classes...and the 6th grade gossip of romantic drama doesn't help anything. I'm a softee, it's a fact, but I must work to be a proactive disciplinarian for when it is necessary. I'm finally understanding what they were telling me in college...teaching is about social responsibility.

Still, I get many hugs every day. I crack up when I walk down the hallway and every kid on their way to wherever has to stop and hug me. I love the "Hi Miss Sunshine!" I get as kids run past when I have recess duty. I love the glow in their eyes when I tell a kid "awesome drumming!" I love their little tails when my widdle ones do the Chicken Dance. I love when a 4th grader tells me "You're so much more fun than our last music teacher!"

So, I take it a day at a time. Set up the skills needed for ensemble. Remove the children who can't control themselves. Hike with Andie and look forward to events like Zozobra and the balloon festival. Move. Ya know...life.

I am so lucky to have such a supportive wonderful family.

No More Miss Sunshine

So things are bad.

On Sunday, my dickhead roommate knocked on my door. I replied "naked!" He said, "Ok I'll wait." I got dressed and knocked on his door. He came out and said to me "This isn't pleasant conversation, but I don't think this roommate thing is working out..."

I quickly said, "Let's sit down and talk about this."

Him: "I'm not really crazy about the vibes we have. It's not fun. You're a nice girl and everything and you've done nothing wrong, but it's not the kind of roommate situation I want to be in, so I think it would be better for both of us if you found new roommates."

Me: "I don't want to move. I love it here. I'm happy here."

Him: "Well I'm not. I want to try something else."

Me: "Well then you move."

Him: "Well I've been here 2 years."

Me: *****Series of sobs, cries, complaints about how I've just started a new life and "you're really cruel" and "you can't just tell someone to get up and go!" and I can't handle moving right now and I have no time or energy********

Him: "Well it's not that hard to find another place or roommates. There's plenty around."

Me: "Well I better start looking. You're really cruel." *I grab my keys, storm out, call people, and go cry in the park for 2 hours.*

I texted my landlord that I don't want to leave. His reply, "I am so sorry Kathleen."

I have til September 30th. Craigslist #1 I really want but I have to wait til Sunday to see if I get it. Craigslist #2 is close to my school, but a little sketchysketch and unfurnished. Craigslist #3 looks beautiful in pictures and I'll see it tomorrow.

Onto the next complaint...

I finally met with the principal at the school where I have the middle school chorus class. Lines were crossed today and I FLIPPED OUT. I was seriously astonished at the behavior and comments I received today. I don't want to copy them here, but not only was I offended, insulted, and irritated, there were offenses that required immediate discipline action. Unbelievable.

Disrespect and inappropriateness is one thing, but it also breaks my heart to be failing at doing what I set out to do...which is make kids love singing. They hate everything. What am I supposed to do? I still wuv them, but c'mon. Sing.

Other complaints: Car insurance/stuff, Bank stuff, lesson plan stuff, evaluation stuff, more stuff.

Happy Time...

I am in love with general music class. I'm really figuring things out at Nava (K-6). I'm learning which steps to take to set up musical and class success before disaster even has a chance. I learn every day. The EAs that come in with special needs kids or just because they're kindergarten have been a blessing. They have a position of control and understanding of each child, they give me suggestions, and help with behavior. I'm astounded and get new ideas from them all the time.

General Music is my safe place...my everything. My kids are so funny. Sometimes when they're bad I just laugh. Like today when I was lecturing a 2nd grade class, I said something along the lines of "I love you all very much but we really need to do better listening blahblah..." and one snotty girl goes "What if we don't want to love you?" Hahahahahaha I said "Well you don't have to love me but if you don't follow directions you can't play the instruments and you get a bad report." Hahaha love it.

This week I put on a jungle-themed "play" with my 1st & 2nd graders with masks, drums, and xylophones, and it was sooo much fun. And imagine little Spanish-speaking Kinders doing the chicken dance. Omg. Love. My older kids are sometimes musicians and sometimes animals. But I wuv them. The daily hugs are worth everything.

My family has been so supportive in my rough time. Daily calls let me know I'm not alone. I feel so much love.

Things could be worse. Andie is being moved to another teaching position, 3 weeks into school. Can you imagine? So sad. Love her.

My new ritual is that on Wednesday evenings I bring all my schoolbooks to McDonald's and I order a small Mango Pineapple smoothie and I sit there for hours typing my lesson plans. (Typing takes longer than planning).

I saw a shirt I recognized and a little boy following behind. It was one of the teachers in my school and her foster child who I had taught earlier today. I love this kid's enthusiasm, though the EA in the class often makes him sit out. I waved in the McDonald's and he ran up to me...

"Hi Miss Echols! What are you doing here? I got this bouncy ball at the college. We're gonna go get ice cream after this. Do you wanna come? Can I go in your car? What are we doing in music next week? Want some of my fries? (puts them on my table) I'm a national wrestler. I don't know when wrestling is again....."

Love. I went to Baskin Robbins with them and my teacher friend treated me. I got less lesson planning done, but what a nice time...to sit with my dear student and colleague and enjoy some free Rocky Road on a sugar cone.

Life can be good even when it's bad.

Keepin' it Classy

Keepin' it classy (pun intended) ain't easy...

but it's necessary. Some co-workers say, "you have to find balance. Work cannot be what determines your day, your feelings, your life..." While I agree that I can't let my students' behavior affect the way I feel about myself and my life, being in this new position in my professional life is so important to me that I refuse to stray far from the mindset of "how can my students and I achieve musical success?" It's exhausting. I go to bed, wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, go to other work, go home, go on hikes with Andie...all thinking about my lesson plans, my students, and what I can do better.

"I just want to do so well," I said, crying. "Well...that's a lot better than saying 'I just want to do so average,'" said fellow co-worker.

My chorus has given me the hardest time. The disrespectful back-talk has sent me over the edge some days and I'll admit I've silently left crying a few times. I'm in communication about discipline procedures.

I see that chorus class every morning, then head to Nava where I teach 3 more hour-long classes per day. This is a total of 16 groups of kids between Kindergarten and 6th/7th grade. My biggest frustrations with the littles are that they touch and kick each other, and there's only so many "Why do we keep our hands and feet to ourselves?" conversations I can stop my lesson to have, and only so many "You sit there for the remainder of class because you can't control your hands" moments I can handle in a day.

Despite the behavior frustrations, I love all my kids, and there are some very sweet and wonderful classes at Nava that make me so proud I melt. As my facebook status boasted, last Friday a 1st grade girl raised her hand to say, "Teacher...I love you." Also the 6th graders for some reason call me "Miss Sunshine" instead of Miss Echols (I don't know why), so I just tell them "well don't make me turn into Miss Cloudy Day... *serious face*"

It's so hard to be a teacher, and I guess I'm a little obsessed right now...but I'm glad chorus is still in my life as it always has been, and general music is just SO FRICKIN FUN. I love lesson planning and thinking about new ways to make music together. I was given this music curriculum from the district (some of its tools, cards, and posters are seen in my classroom pictures) and it's really wonderful. Fun games for all.

Stress is every day. Homesickness, sickness, responsibilities, lessoning, living...but things are well. I'm smiling pretty much. I've got Andie to talk to, hike with, and try things with (we went to a really good yoga class last weekend). I just really miss Scott and my big brother and sister and Daddy and Anna and aunts and my Lex&Ba&Erin&Jess&Deidre and my everyone.

The sky is still amazing and beautiful, even during monsoon season. The rain makes hikes muddier and feet wetter, but it feels healthy when some days are so hot.

I've been kind of depressed as I think that my goal was to run a half-marathon this September, if I were to have stayed in Jersey. Of course, life had to change, I moved across the country to a much higher altitude with different conditions and a different schedule. I guess it can wait, but I'm quite frustrated at the delay.

Umm...there's a lizard on my window screen right now...

Wait...

...wasn't this blog about finding strength?

...wasn't it about learning how to run, bike, and swim?

Must...get...better...

Must...kick...ass...

Vertigoaway

I wound up in the Emergency Room the other day due to vertigo. I had felt dizzy the night before but thought sleep would help. I woke up throughout the night wondering why I felt so sick. I called my Dad crying and he told me to call my PopPop, the doctor, and he told me to go to the ER. I had to call in my first day ever of being a real teacher sick. Look at me gooo.

They hooked me up with fluids and medicines and I was tripped out and sleepy. They were mad at me because I kept falling asleep in the CAT Scan. They threw me out on the street telling me a cab would come, but I wound up wobbling around a bit. I came home and went to sleep, missing the mandatory new teacher training. Look at me gooo.

I went into work Thursday and just cried in my room. Then went home to sleep for 14 hrs. Look at me gooo.

Then I went into work Friday and put up a bulletin board, had risers set up in my choir room, and laminated some bees. Eventually I gave up and sprawled out on the floor of my classroom. Shh don't tell...but I'm so not ready for Monday. Look at me gooo.

I attended a school meeting where we did some together-activities and talked about the various rules and stuff to know. It was hard to get through, feeling so sick and being anxious about getting to the music book store before it closed. I rushed like crazy and I got to the music book store place and they tell me "Oh yeah...the orchestra teacher picked up your books about an hour ago." I went to my car and cried. Look at me gooo.

Gavin brought me pizza tonight and wished me good health. That was nice.

Facebook reminded me that "On this day in 2010..." I had posted about trying to sign to Scott after my wisdom teeth were taken out and I expected him to understand me. That was a silly memory. Scott told me the nurse-receptionists were cracking up because I was giggling on the way out. Scott was so awesome that day.

I hate this. Look at me gooo...

The Bandelier Epic Fail

We rocked it.

La vie boheme

confused face.

Yesterday morning was the meeting for music teachers in my district/surrounding districts. Everyone was very nice. I introduced myself to the group and one man replies "New Jersey?! I was wondering what that smell was..."

I'm hoping this job won't be as scary as I'm feeling. There are a lot of extra events to remember and plan for as a music teacher. Get a bus for this, learn music for that, permission slips and chaperones for this, audition for that...

I took a nice nap in the day, and woke up to go to dinner and the opera with Gavin (his first opera aww). We went to the Tune Up Cafe which was exquisite. From the looks it would be average, but the food was unbelievable. I got a salad of arugula and goat cheese and candied walnuts and figs and amazingness. An old couple sat next to us and commented a lot...like how my skirt matched the tablecloth.

We took a drive around the countryside surrounding the opera because we were early. The sun was setting in the mountains and the sky and earth were all kinds of colors. We arrived at the opera to find the classy folk TAILGATING in their classy ways with wine and the like in the parking lot. One group of women was wearing all black dresses and had set up a table in the parking lot adorned with food and candelabras. No joke.

We were standing in line for standing room tickets when a woman approached us from behind asking if we need tickets. We explained that we're opting for the $15 standing room tickets and she goes "oh...ours are a little more hahaha..." Not more than a minute later she comes back and says "Ya know what? I'm gonna sell them to you for $15 because you guys are cute." We accepted and Gavin handed them $40.

We look on the ticket...we're in Row L...and they were originally $110 a pop. WIN!

La Boheme was beautiful. A fantastic set in the open air of the Santa Fe Opera. Each performer was phenomenal...believable and captivating. I longed to be up there. In the passion and the drama. The love story of Mimi and Rodolfo...the boyish playfulness of Shaunard and Colline...the lusty and fervent Musetta and her poor guy Marcello...even the connection almost anyone would have to the people walking down the street in the chilly Parisian air.

The ending is heartbreaking, especially after the more uplifting ending to Rent. I couldn't stop drawing all the parallels between Rent and Boheme. The characters, scenes, dialogue...it's all so linear. Until the end...womp womp. A beautiful evening.

Teacher Teacher (can you teach me?)

Right on, Matt Damon. It's true. Most teachers want to teach. I want to teach. Sometimes I question whether I know enough, or whether I'm worthy of being called "teacher." I'm thankful that Critical Pedagogy has allowed me to accept that teacher and student are both learners, and that's the cycle we foster.

Yesterday I saw my classroom at Nava Elementary. I can't believe it's mine. It's in a separate portable house thing. I only have one bulletin board to worry about decorating, plus some other things to make it really homey. The rest of the space is window/chalkboard (yes, chalk). I want to go in and clean all the instruments and make a good system. It's a good space, I think. Not huge but not too tiny. There's lots of drums and xylophones. I stood in my classroom and took it all in. My principal is a very nice lady and we seemed to see eye-to-eye on many things. The other teachers I met were friendly, kind, and welcoming. I want to do well.

I met with the choral lady at the high school as well. She was very helpful in answering some of my questions. My head is spinning with all there is to do with starting the year. Not knowing my students: how many, how experienced, how well they read, their range, their personalities, their enthusiasm...I have to admit it's stressing me. Our first fiesta is September 11th and there's a lot of material for 7th graders to learn. In all this, I will try my best!

In the afternoon I went for a short hike on St. John's College Trail with Andie, the 1st grade teacher at another elementary school. She's a great girl - we talked about boys and exercise, and she's on the same fitness level as I am (win!). Bandelier on Sunday.

Today I'm off to Aspen, where I am the chorus director. Chin up, Kathleen!

Il bel far niente

I'm finally getting around to reading Elizabeth Gilbert's eat pray love. I'm about 100 pages in & she's still in Italy, where she learns this beautiful phrase...il bel far niente, Italian for "the beauty of doing nothing." It's something the Italians know far better than we ever will.

This morning was important...orientation for new teachers at the school district building. Everyone was very nice and friendly. We filled out forms for insurance and all the policies in the world. We had 30some days to complete some of the forms and get them notarized, but I chose to take them home, call Dad, and make an appointment immediately to get everything done and out of my hands. Woot woot.

The rest of the day was hooping a little and reading. I also made myself a delicious dinner which I'm enjoying right now of chicken, rice, and edamame. Lunch was a fantastically special sandwich. I'm eating well. Just like Liz. So, as Liz is learning in her travel adventure to Italy, I'm learning that you don't have to do anything but breathe and eat sometimes. And laugh. I hung out with Gavin for a short while yesterday and he was obviously practicing some of his comedy improv while we jammed on ukulele and drank tea. Laughing is so important. Cheryl kinda taught me the other day too...that with all life's twists and turns, how can you be expected to be running in circles all the time and be exactly where you're supposed to be? So, I've been appreciating my short time being able to enjoy "the beauty of doing nothing."

I'm not ashamed of spending a day & a half reading and hooping, making myself laugh & letting Liz's wild thoughts on men & travel make me laugh out loud when I'm in the park.

I also found a hiking buddy today, or she found me, at orientation today. She's a 1st grade teacher, not in my school but in the district and has just moved here from Indiana. She asked if I want to go hiking a short trail tomorrow and to Bandelier National Monument on Sunday. Hells yes.

And guess what else - I get to see my classroom tomorrow!

Chamisa Trial, Chili Sauce, and Chamber Music

Today's blog is brought to you by the digraph: Ch

My date with the mountains this morning was beautiful. I drove up the curvy road to the Chamisa trailhead and set off with my pocket knife hooked to one side of my tank top and my keys on the other. It was exactly what I wanted. An easy trail to explore and start my relationship with the Santa Fe National Forest.

^ my photo for once!

The sky was so blue and the Aspens were so green and the rock was so red. I was really truly alone. Occasionally I would pass a group of elderly people heaving their way up and down the slopes of the trail. I didn't come across any wildlife except for a few chipmunks and butterflies, but I did meet a Doberman Pinscher. She was by herself so I chatted with her a bit and had her walk with me until we found her owner. Maybe she was never lost...she seemed to know this quiet place very well.

"Let us be as simple and well as Nature ourselves,

dispel the clouds which hang over our brows,

and take up a little life into our pores." - Thoreau

I fantasized about what it would be like to be under attack or to slip or something horrible to happen while I was walking, but to live to tell the story. I imagined jumping off the ledge and hanging onto a tree branch, plummeting hundreds of feet to what could be death but some branches slow my fall and I wind up on my feet, face-to-face with a new enemy...you know? like in one of those movies where everyday people become heroes and save themselves and the world? It could happen.

Though I could feel my shortness of breath at an elevation of 8,400 ft, the trail loop was less than 3 miles, like a warm-up, and I was ready for more. I wanted to go find another trail of medium or medium-hard difficulty, so I got in the car and drove. As I drove higher and higher up the curvy road I realized I hadn't thought about lunch and I was hungry. I checked out a few other interesting trailheads where birds cheeped and creeks ran by. I've got the names of some of them, so I can return to fully explore their wondrousness another day.

For lunch I had leftovers from when I got New Mexican food the other night. There's this thing here, where every food service person will ask you "red or green?" The first time this happened I was so confused. What? Red or green? That first time I just said a color..."Red?" Knowing now that that means red or green chili sauce to accompany the burrito or food item of your choosing, this time I ordered both - or "Christmas." The meal came out on a plate, like a big delicious blob of mush. I wasn't sure what was what...but they were both in there...somewhere...Mr. Red and Ms. Green. So today when I ate a bit more...I think I found the green. It was hot. Real hot.

That's Dawn Upshaw. Can you find the Kathleen?

So when I heard that Dawn Upshaw was in town for the Chamber Music Festival, I knew I had to see her again. When I sang John Adams' El Nino at Carnegie Hall with my choir in December 2009, Upshaw was our soprano soloist. She is a glorious vocalist who in rehearsal looks no more than a soccer mom. I was saddened by the prices when I looked online, but thanks to my super awesome roommate Michael who was planning on going as well, he managed to get me a half-price, totally worth-it ticket.

The performance was on two pieces which I've totally written papers on specifically - Schubert's "Death and the Maiden" and Golijov's Ayre. The Schubert string quartet was wonderfully crisp and clean, expressive and gorgeous. The Golijov was unbelievable: electronic sound, accordion, guitar, harp, winds, percussion, Dawn Upshaw expressing the shit out of each word and vocal waterfall.

We knew there was a reception where we got some free food and met some friendly artsy folk. It was truly "event" and though I didn't feel as though I fit in, I enjoyed myself. Wine in my hand, I chatted with artsy workers who run "events" and publicists who told me that I have to keep studying and I have to get into the opera business and everything quickly while I'm young. No pressure, right? It made me panic a little bit. Maybe I'll miss my chance if I teach too long. What? What's going on? Life? There's no time to waste? Help me...

Then...she walked out to the outdoor square where we were receptionizing. I was in the presence of Dawn Upshaw. I immediately starting giggling and jittering. I felt like a loser and I know the publicist people obviously thought it was unattractive, but I really couldn't contain myself. I pulled myself together, got a pen and took out the picture I had printed (the one above...at Carnegie) and approached her, introducing myself as a young soprano. She laughed with the picture and said signed it, telling me maybe one day I'll be in her spot and she'll be in the choir. How funny!!!!!!!!

I got my signature but wanted a picture. I awkwardly stalked her in conversation then as she left said "Dawn? Would you mind a picture?" and she goes "In the dark?" but she smiled anyway.

Not a great picture of me, but a great memory :)

Michael showed me around the plaza, pointing to the nice places to check out. Live music was going on on the plaza and people were dancing, one lady even with her dog.

Good roommate. Good times.

Meet Cheryl

She's not totally in the picture, but it shows that I LOVE her.

This is my friend Cheryl. She's an angel from above. She lives in Miami now but is originally from Albuquerque. I was lucky to spend a few hours today with smiley, big-blue-eyed, curly-blonde-haired, beautiful inside and out Cheryl. I have such wonderful memories of Cherbear from Vienna. One day we went hiking and though we told her not to, she decided she was going to eat this random berry-looking thing, and in the same day decided she was going to run with some random runner man for a little bit. We'd sit on a bus or train and she'd just look at me and say where we were - "Hungary." We spelunked and giggled and made music. She had trumpet success. She supported me when I was frustrated. On the last night of Vienna, she went around the circle and told everyone what made them wonderful.

Cheryl has just returned from a yoga-learning-camp-teaching-thing in Mexico where she had her life transformed. She described to me the various ways to meditation they would take each morning and afternoon and just how in love she is with the art. Today we had a delicious lunch on the plaza downtown and caught up on our lives' joys and sorrows. Then we walked around looking at interesting shops and galleries, got lost, and had some gelato.

All five hours Cheryl announced, "I am so happy." She's living at her own pace with a beautiful boy beside her all the way no matter where they are. She has a new passion and balance and way of thinking about music. She's discovered so much and is so at peace with her thoughts and obligations.

Feeling her energy and positive vibes made me sooo absolutely happy for her, but somehow reminded me how heartbroken I really am. I'm really scared. For this job, for being without people who have become such a crucial part of my life.

I will try to keep optimistic, but I suppose I can always look back on days like this above, when winning a water fight on top of a mountain was all that mattered.

I love you Cheryl!

Chocolate and Friends

Yesterday morning was calm...rain outside, a little bit of hooping on the back patio, a little bit of RosettaStone (Spanish, of course)...

The sun came out and I decided to go downtown to check out some shops including Kakawa...a chocolate house recommended to me which sells all kinds of chocolate and hot drinking chocolate.

I stared at the menu for a lonnnnnng time until the barista suggested I do the sampler...7 hot chocolate samples, some sweet some spicy. A tall boy there with brown hair down to his shoulders offered to buy it for us. Good deal, huh? Six-foot five-inch twenty-five-year-old scientist Gavin and I sat down, though he could barely fit his legs under the table. We sampled some delicious and some well...interesting...hot chocolate. It was really fun.

Gavin and I talked and giggled for a while, and then he asked if I'd like to walk around the Spanish market. I hate to be the girl that needs a tour guide, but it's been nice when people offer. On the way he pointed out things such as the oldest church in America (below) and awesome restaurants. We walked and talked and somehow started quoting Wet Hot American Summer. Laughter continued.

Eventually we walked down a street of many art galleries and we casually walked into one. The man there, a young guy from L.A./Texas was rather excited to see us. It was kinda weird but really funny. He offered us free beverages (as it was also a coffeehouse kinda thing) and said "c'mon! come sit with us." He took us to the backyard and we sat down with some people who were grilling curry chicken. More laughter. An attractive couple bickered and weirdo art-seller-coffehouse-man talked about the attractive female's attractive friend. He gave us his card and said "you guys are cool you should go out with us tonight!" We took the card but didn't meet up with them later...maybe another time. Seems like a nice spot to hang out. I'll certainly see Gavin again.

I seem to be making all guy-friends here. I haven't even seen many young girls.

But the good news is...CHERYL FROM VIENNA IS COMING TO SANTA FE TO SEE ME IN 2 HOURS! ...I'm a little excited.

Cheryl and I before spelunking. (Budapest, June 2009).

Colleagues

Last night I got a phone call from Joel, the band teacher I stayed with the other night, and he asked me if I'd like to go to a jazz concert in Albuquerque. In that I have zero plans until next Wednesday, there was no question that my answer was "yes." He and Steve, another band teacher in our district, picked me up and we drove the beautiful scenic highway to Albuquerque.

If you ever want to hear some unbelievable jazz sounds, look up Christian McBride & Inside Straight. Each musician was so talented and just so so good. The sounds rushed over me like a wave. If I tried to sit still, the ocean of sound would rock me in a whirling motion. The pacing of the whole show was amazing. Their personalities were so funny and made the show such a good time. I have no idea how jazz musicians do it.

After the concert the three of us went for a beer and a walk. They told me the secret code (wiggling fingers in front of your nose) for when we need to stop talking about work, which was a challenge because music and working for the same district is what we have in common. We found a field belonging to U of NM and did some cartwheels and ran thru the sprinklers. Ya know...a Thursday night. I had a real good time.

Diet & Exercise: Attempt #1

My trying-to-run face.

If you know my relationship with running at all, you know that my first day back on the pavement was not a successful day. I am now 7,000 ft above the sea and can't seem to get hydrated. I love putting on my Brooks and seeing where they'll take me, but today I hardly ran a couple blocks and I started feeling strange. My palms were itchy...a familiar feeling especially from the wintertime. I tried to keep going but then my hands blew up like balloons, so much that I thought they'd burst.

I walked a while, trying to scope out the neighborhood. It seems everyone has a yippie dog, which is both hilarious and annoying. It's a very cute town, and I feel like the only blonde that ever existed with the way people look at me.

In place of running more, I went back and got my hoop. I took the hoop to the park and worked on hooping and tricks and did some squats and things for a half hour.

My official grocery store is the Sunflower Farmers Market. It's very clean and friendly and...hmm...organic. Prices are awesome, it seems as a young shopper, and is very close to my house. I'm slowly bringing in the kitchen essentials, like pasta and cereal and enough stuff to make a sandwich when I want one. In that I'm trying to stretch the life of what I buy, I'm very hungry. I'm hoping I'll shrink my stomach like I did during student teaching. Skinny is soon I hope.

Rain smells rainier here.

Also, organic peanut butter is a no-go.

One Dollar

The movie theater near me charges only $1 on Wednesday nights. Omg. I just took advantage of that with my roommates. I saw Super 8...for one dollar.

Hoop Across America

The Super-Awesome Way to Roadtrip.

I got a lot of attention doing this, and burned some calories too.

Here's the finished product, I'd like to share with you!

Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

Quirks of Santa Fe

Things I know about Santa Fe:

• Everything is adobe. My house is adobe. McDonald's is adobe. The school is adobe. Every building is made out of adobe.
• New Mexican food is different from Mexican food, and don't you dare tell them otherwise. New Mexican food uses green chili peppers or "Christmas" when they use both red and green, which changes the entire taste palate.
• Nicknames of New Mexico/Santa Fe include: The Land of Enchantment, The Land of Entrapment, Fanta Se, The City Different, The Land of Sunshine
• Despite being all adobe, the area of town I live in reminds me a lot of the Deptford Mall area.
• Everyone is old, gay, or old and gay.
• Monsoon season is soon, but that means that it'll downpour twenty minutes a day and then be over it.

Rundown of last night: I drove to my elementary school to introduce myself to...the parking lot. I'm so excited. I see beautiful mountains every day. Then I visited with my roommates and had a lovely introductory conversation. We talked about everything from his musicking to her architect job and celebrity "husbands." They are such cool people and my room/closet space/kitchen/working fireplace/everything is amazing. Then I met up with couchsurfer/band teacher Joel. Awesome guy. He showed me some of the local bars, and I met a few people from the Philly/NJ area! Joel seemed excited to have another young person on the team, and I'm excited to know somebody already.

Now I'm just waiting until I can move in. T-1.5 hrs.

Day Nine: Santa Fe, NM

This is where I live. This is where I live.

I made it! It wasn't easy but it wasn't too hard. I drove across the country from my old home to my new home. I drove by my new home, but I'm not allowed to move in until tomorrow. So I'll be staying with another Couchsurfer/music teacher in my district. Yeah, same person. Whoa.

I needed to kill some time before my host could host, so when I saw a nail salon, I thought "hmm...it must be fate." Anna talked about getting me a manicure/pedicure before I moved away, but I was working so much that I never got to go. So I took out some of the cash she had given me in a going-away card, and I made my fingernails shiny and French. The first thing I do in Santa Fe...a manicure? Seriously? No shame. They're pretty.

My manicurist was an asian man named Antonio who once lived in New Jersey and knew the difference. His warnings included that people here drink more than they work and kids get high while they drive, and also that pizza is just not the same here. :(

I didn't know what to do next so I drove around the mall in circles like a looney tune and eventually stopped in this Applebee's for dessert and free Wi-Fi. The girl who delivered my Triple Chocolate Meltdown with 2 spoons and said, "I brought 2 spoons incase you wanted to share this with...anybody..." Womp womp. Yup, I'm a lone ranger. With allll the chocolate to myself.

The ride into Santa Fe was beautiful but was not what I'd call a laid-back drive. The roads twisted and turned up and down and around the mountains of rock and dark clouds teased me with their ambiguity. I felt like I was on one of those car commercials where the husband and wife are fighting over who could be "in the zone." I wasn't in the zone...I was more like spastic...but I'm glad I took that road into town instead of the main highway. Always up for a little adventure.

I can't wait to move in to MY HOUSE tomorrow. It's in a little development called Las Acequias and the houses are just so cute and there's a playground around the corner.

Final map celebration:

Coming soon to a Triathlon Training blog near you:

*Hoop Across America Video: Part I*